Mammogram Day/Day Before Surgery

I had a mammogram today and it all looked good.  My friend Roberta went with me.   It was one of those times where I was going to “do it myself”.  I am so glad I didn’t.

Since I did this thing backwards, it can be confusing.  I had the lumpectomy and then the mammogram .  Tomorrow is margin surgery and Sentinel Node Biopsy.

Tonight I am thinking that 24 hours from now I will know what the next months will bring.  I am scared.  (Can’t be funny all the time!)  I can’t wait for it to be over.

Scott will post when he can tomorrow.  We check in at 7 at the University of Washington Medical Center.   At 8 we visit Nuclear Medicine for the blue dye and radioactive injection.   We have to stay there for 1-1.5 hours.  After that, we hang out until 2 when the surgery is scheduled to begin.

Thank you for all your love and support!  I can hear the chanting from all over the country “Just Say No to Nodes” “Just Say No to Nodes”…………

 

 

Tomorrow is the Day

Tomorrow can’t come soon enough.  Loretta gets to have another chunk or two removed and we get to know if she is clear or not.  It’s a big day.  If pleasant thoughts were enough to cure cancer, Loretta would be cured.  There are so many people who are willing to help and we will both be eternally grateful.  It has meant the world to us both.

To help all of you who want to know how it is going I will be adding posts to this blog throughout the day.  I will update you whenever something interesting happens.  Remember that “interesting” is entirely up to me so it might be something I find stuck to my shoe or something about Loretta.  It’s hard to say what will happen.

Thanks for your support.

Getting my mad on

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I was mad.  Very mad. I didn’t want cancer.  I was told it was just a cyst.  I had it checked out by several doctors.  It was always a cyst.  I wasn’t mad at the doctors, they all said the same thing.  I was a bit mad a myself.  I hadn’t had a mammogram for a while.   We had lost our health insurance and then the cyst had gotten so big I was worried it would rupture having a mammogram. Besides, it was just a cyst.  It didn’t need to be removed.

So I was mad.  I don’t get mad very often but when I am mad, I just need to be mad and get it over and done with.  So I decided I needed to “get my mad on” before meeting with the doctors.  I needed to go into the appointments at SCCA with a clear head and no anger.  I decided I needed to hit someone, and that someone would be Marc.  I told Scott “I need to hit Marc”  Scott said “Poor Marc…..”  Marc is a fellow trainer.  He has a black belt in Tae Kwon Do.  He is big and strong and bald (sorry Marc but it is true).  The first day back to work after THE DIAGNOSIS, Marc came into the office and I looked at him and said “I need to hit you”.  He said “Ok.  When?”  That was the only question he asked.  I must have looked pretty scary if he didn’t question me.  I did tell him he could use pads.

wpid-20130213_212242.jpgWe decided to have the hit fest after I had the MRI.  I thought that sounded good, a little imaging, a little hitting.  After a few instructions from Marc, the hitting  and kicking commenced.  If you have never boxed or sparred, it is a crazy aerobic/anaerobic workout.  It was great to have a reason, other than anxiety, to be breathless.  I felt my mad disappearing with each punch and kick.  After 35 minutes I felt like a different person.  My mad was gone, at least for awhile, and I felt ready to meet the team at SCCA.

These photos are my bruised hands (I did wear punching gloves).  I don’t think I have ever hit anything, or anyone, that hard in my life.  It was worth every bruise and drop of sweat.  I will never have the words to thank Marc for his unquestioning support.  I am so lucky to be surrounded by so many great people.

What will happen next or “Just say No to Nodes”

On Wednesday, Feb 20 I will have a Sentinel Node Biopsy and additional margins taken from the surgery I had on Jan 31.  When the plastic surgeon removed the tumor, it was when we thought it was a cyst and he only removed the mass and did not take any margins.   His goal was to preserve as much breast tissue as possible.  When you are having something the size of a walnut (the entire walnut, not just the pieces or halves) removed from a breast, you want to keep as much as you can.

The Sentinel Node Biopsy is done to determine if the cancer has spread to my lymph nodes.  After the results of the biopsy, one of two things will happen:

1. Nodes are Negative – if the nodes are completely negative I will have 6.5 weeks of radiation, M-F (I get the weekends off) for 33 days.   That will be followed by 5-10 years of hormone therapy.

2. Nodes are Positive – If any of the nodes are positive, I will have 5 months of chemotherapy (exact cocktail to be determined.)  This will be followed by the 6.5 weeks of radiation and the 5-10 years of hormone therapy.

So my new mantra is “Just say No to Nodes!”

Hoorray, Hoorray….

On every family vacation we go on, our family recites the the Berenstain Bears “The Bears’ Vacation”.  Hoorray, Hoorray we’re on our way, our summer vacation begins today.  I decided to change the first verse on the way to meet the doctors at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance where I will have treatment.  I texted my sisters (I was on the ferry and not driving) and they chimed in with their verses.  Here is the new version:

Me : Hooray, Hooray we’re on our way, our healing journey begins today.

Diana: So here we are. What a wonderful trip. Let’s go see a doctor and do a back flip.

Claire: I’m all set doc, I’m ready to go, now give me a hit to kill this shit.

Chrisitne: And don’t you worry, if you need a smoke, your big sis will share a toke.  But you are going to do quite well and kick that cancer shit to hell.

It could probably use a little work but you get the picture.  I am so fortunate to have such great sisters.  They will never know how much I love them and appreciate them.

February 5, 2013 “The Day”

I was home from work for a week recovering from having a large sebaceous cyst removed from my right breast.  I decided I was gong to make Orange muffins that have garbonzo beans (I know, I know but they really are good) in them when the phone rang.  On February 5, 2013 at 11 am my life as I knew it changed forever with the words “The pathology report came back and it is not what we expected.  You have breast cancer.”    WHAT!!!!  The pathology report that no one, including me, was worried about.  WHAT!!!!  WHAT!!!!

I had the presence of mind to say “Wait, I need a pen.”    My heart was pounding out of my ears and I was having a hard time hearing and understanding.  I scribbled words like invasive, grade 2, mutifocal closeness, 2.9 x 2.6.  What the HELL!!  There must be a mistake.  A HUGE f@#$ing mistake.  I had a sebaceous cyst removed.  Not a cancerous tumor.  And certainly not something called invasive ductal carcinoma.  I was told years, and I mean years ago, that this was just a cyst and it did not need to be removed.  (See History above)  Six different doctors came to the same conclusion.  The pathologist, however, had something different to say.

Somewhere, in all that loud noise in my head, a calm voice told me that he would call back at 6 o’clock that night to talk to Scott (How am I going to tell my husband that I  have breast cancer?) and me further and to answer any questions we would have.  (More to come about this particular doctor.  He deserves a post of his own.)  I don’t think I thanked him at the end of the call because I can’t say I was thankful.  I was terrified.

What ensued was days of tears, phone calls, tears, phone calls, tears…..you get the picture.  Over the next either few or many months (exact timing yet to be determined) I will post here to keep you all up to date on the latest progress on my journey forward to health.  (But I don’t feel sick so how come I have to journey ?

Loretta has Cancer

Yup, it’s true.  This is a nightmare that we aren’t going to wake up from.  It is reality.  And it isn’t any fun. I wish Loretta didn’t have to go through this but she does. We both do.

Lots of people have cancer.  My father died from cancer.  My mother-in-law died from cancer.  But, we know lots of people who have had cancer but are still very much alive and doing great.  That’s the thing about cancer: there is no certainty.  You are never certain that you will get it.  If you have it, you are never certain if it will kill you or you will kill it.  If you do prevail, you always have that nagging doubt in the back of your mind that it might come back, that you didn’t get it all.  The only certainty is that when you die, the cancer will, once and for all, die, too.

So, from now on, we are living with cancer.  Even when Loretta is declared “cured”, she will always have that in the back of her mind.  It is a constant.  Learning to live with that is going to be most of the battle.  She has wonderful doctors who are going to “cure” her but she will always have that scar.

Scars are our reminders of things that hurt us once but that we survived.